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US Troops Invade Florida & Ohio, Jeb Bush Arrested, Papa Bush In Exile, Cheney Sting - To Improve Poll Numbers
US Troops Invade
Florida-Ohio,
Jeb Bush Arrested,
Papa Bush In Exile,
Cheney Sting -
To Improve Poll
Numbers
In moves, calculated by Karl Rove, to reverse President Bush’s swan-diving poll numbers, the President, prompted by God Himself, has made bold and daring moves, he announced today at Presidential Press Conference to return democracy to US.
Presidential Press Secretary,
“Ladies and gentlemen, members of the press, the President of the United States, George Walker Bush.”
(Polite Applause)
President George W. Bush,
“Good afternoon members of the press and people of the United States of America and the world. Despite comments to the contrary, I, your President, am in full charge of your governments. I have just uncovered numerous plots against your President, some of which were perpetrated by members of my own family.
In an FBI sting operation, Dick Cheney, the Vice President and a man I thought was my friend, conspired to have your President, George W. Bush, assassinated by the KKK. At my death, Dick Cheney would have succeeded to my office as your President. Dick Cheney feigned indignation when the sting was revealed to him by the FBI officials, pretending to be Mafioso. But I saw right through his evasions, and he is now at the Rikers Island Jail in New York City where I am sure that all those Black and Puerto Rican brothers will make him feel extremely comfortable and wanted, and will welcome him with open arms. Karl, err, I mean God came to me and warned me about the VP’s dastardly plot to take advantage of my friendship and loyalty; the coup has been terminated.
Jeff, do you have a question for your President?”
Jeff Gannon of Talon News,
“President Bush, our lord and savior, it is reported that you are very upset about the situations in Florida and Ohio in the last two Presidential elections. Is this true?”
President Bush,
“My administration has had to endure the taunts of TV comedians, who say that I have served twice without being elected once. I have taken action to stop these allegations because I am a truly great President, elected by the American people to govern the world.
Jeb Bush, my brother and Governor of Florida, is being held at Guantánamo prison along with Katherine Harris, former Florida Secretary of State and my campaign manager for the presidency. I have just found out that they conspired to fix the Florida elections in 2000 and 2004 to ensure that I would be elected President. We can’t have that kind of undemocratic shenanigans in the US of A.
J Kenneth Blackwell, the Black Secretary of State for Ohio, is now incarcerated at Abu Ghraib prison. He was also involved in that conspiracy and prohibited thousands of Black voters from exorcising their Constitutional right to vote. I am certain that most of those Black voters would have supported God and your President.
Do you have another question, Jeff?”
Jeff Gannon,
“Mr. President, why was the Black Secretary of State in Ohio, Blackwell, not sent to Guantánamo with the other conspirators instead of Abu Ghraib?”
President George W. Bush,
“This equality thing is getting out of hand. I don’t care about ‘Brown vs. Board of Education; if ‘Separate But Equal’ was good enough for America then, it’s good enough for me now. I am a real American and always have been.”
Aside to the press, “You didn’t think I knew about ‘Brown vs. Board of Education’, did you?”
President George W. Bush,
“I guess people will see now that their President is for democracy and not for cronyism. I am certainly no totalitarian - hell, I can’t even spell it.
George Herbert Walker Bush, Sr., my father and former President, was reported seen crossing the border into Mexico. Dad is now an illegal alien there, in hiding with mom. Money orders have been received by our relatives here in the US of A, who will not be revealed for reasons of national security. It has been reported that dad is picking cotton in southern Mexico and this money comes from his illegal wages there.
Troops in Florida have surrounded the State Capital and arrested all the lawyers, who camped out at voting locations during the elections, intimidating registered Black voters, preventing thousands from voting. I told you that lawyers could not be trusted. We are going to pass an Amendment to the Constitution making it a federal crime to attend Law School in Florida and Ohio.
The CIA has bugged the telephones of J. Kenneth Blackwell and discovered that Blackwell is in fact a Jew and not Black at all. The CIA has recovered a heretofore-secret salve, used by Blackwell to darken his skin. That product was developed by the same research scientist, who turned Michael Jackson White. That product will soon be marketed from a new company, GWB, Incorporated. Place your orders quickly because supply is limited.
I warned the people about scientists. This only proves they cannot be trusted - evolution indeed! That scientist, unnamed for reasons of national security, is also in an unidentified prison abroad. They told me which prison he was in, but I forgot.
To preserve the sanctity of my Presidency and its future reputation, to guard our democracy and national security, I, as your President, have had to take these actions against family and close associates, who would undermine the office of President of the US of A, risk doing grave damage to my personal reputation as a compassionate conservative and jeopardize my future financial earnings. In addition, I have just declared war on Saudi Arabia because I was just informed that most of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi citizens. We must protect the Saudi citizens from their dictatorial leaders and the evil influence of oil profits.
Mr. Bush then left the podium, saying he had to consult with Karl Rove.
Mr. Bush said flatly when asked by Jeff Gannon, “No! Mr. Rove is definitely not a homosexual. His hand grabbing my rear was accidental. He tripped and only wanted to prevent falling down himself.
If there are no more questions, Jeff, the press conference is over. I have to ask Karl if my poll numbers have risen yet.”
T.A.B.A.C.C.O. (Truth About Business And Congressional Crimes Organization)
President Bush tells us to “stay the course”; that’s the same thing that
was said by the Captain of the Titanic. – Lou Dobbs Tonight viewer